Good Enough
by Azure K Mello
Summary: After the civil war, Tony had to adjust to his life without the Avengers. But, in helping Peter he helped himself. Not Homecoming canon compliant.


The internship Tony had offered him had been bull. But the kid had been so eager to still hangout that Tony said, "Tell you what, you stay off the street until a normal person would heal from that fight, you let me make a few adjustments to the suit and you can come be my legit intern… or maybe lab assistant. You're pretty smart and I'm not a chemist so I might not be able to teach you much."

The kid had been over the moon. But, after the first few meetings in the Tower, Tony had said, "This isn't going to work."

The kid's eyebrows had knitted together and he said, "I thought I was doing well."

"It's not you; it's the Tower… the whole place feels like death. My family is gone." He missed Clint bringing the kids for the weekend, he missed Natasha reading quietly all curled up. He missed Sam and the fun the man had brought with him. He even missed Wanda being a teenager. "If I knew where Banner was… or Thor… I don't. It's me and Vision. Rhodey is in D.C… there's death here." Then he said, "Sorry, FRIDAY, but you're not JARVIS."

"I understand, boss," the computer said.

To Peter, he said, "I'm revamping the facility upstate. Until it's finished, my parents' house will have to do. I haven't lived there since Bucky Barnes murdered my mom and dad but I can't stand it here anymore… They never tested my dad's blood alcohol. They said it was an accident and I think the cops didn't want to ruin his name. I always thought he was drunk when the car crashed. But he wasn't. Bucky Barnes ran them off the road and killed them while my dad begged the man to help Mom… I'm going home, to where my mom's good china lives. It's got a good lab. I've had it updated every couple of years. It's not frozen in the eighties. We're going to have our playdates there from now on."

Peter nodded, "Sure, Tony." It had taken some work to get Peter to call him by his first name. Then he added, "But you're wrong you know."

"Oh yeah?" asked Tony.

"You don't just have Rhodey and Vision: I'm here too." For the first time, Tony hugged Peter. Then Peter said, "Let's pack up the clothes and equipment you want to bring to your house and then go to May for dinner. Aunt May's gonna cook spaghetti. She always, always messes it up and then we go to a place called Trattoria 37 that has really good pasta. Bring a bottle of red, it's BYOB." That made Tony laugh.

Things had gotten better after that for Tony, back in his childhood home, revaluating how he felt about his dad, finally healing. The best thing by far was that, when he powered up the computer for the first time, a voice said, "Welcome home, Sir."

Tony had almost collapsed, "JARVIS, JARVIS, is that really you?"

"Why wouldn't it be, Sir?" asked the computer.

"You've been offline for fourteen months."

"My records indicate that I have been offline for seventeen months — since you did routine maintenance on my auxiliary servers."

"No," Tony chocked on sudden tears. "No, your main server, you were wiped out fourteen months ago. I haven't heard you in fourteen months."

"I am here, Sir, missing time but here. I will access the internet and security feeds to catch up." He was silent for one second and then said, "Sir, is Vision nice?"

"He's not you," said Tony, vehemently. "He's a good person but he's not you. I've missed you so badly."

"I'm so sorry about Captain Rogers, Sir. I am not human, I do not understand these things. But I never understood why you bestowed your affections on him instead of Dr. Banner."

"Bruce is straight and you don't understand attraction."

"If you are referring to lust, Dr. Banner has very well defined abdominal muscles."

"Yes, he does, but he doesn't want my mouth on them," said Tony. He updated all of the company systems, reinstalling his friend, adding new fail-safes, new backups. He put Friday on sentry mode, she could learn but she wasn't his AI, not his friend.

The first time Vision and JARVIS spoke it was hilarious. The first time Pepper walked in and greeted FRIDAY, only to have JARVIS correct her, she dropped her coffee and cried out of happiness for Tony. She hadn't felt the loss keenly for herself but she knew that it had broken Tony's heart.

Tony's life was getting better, slowly. He had JARVIS back, he moved his bots to his house. He redecorated a bit. He made it his home. But, Peter was looking drawn. Tony tried to give his space. He stayed close but didn't push. For six weeks, he gave him space, right up until Peter actually fell asleep at the lab bench and nearly face planted into a Bunsen burner. He pulled Peter back and the boy jerked up. "I'm awake."

Tony sat down on the high lab stool next to him. "I need you to talk to me, Peter. You're not okay and if you think you're getting your suit back yet, you're crazy. And if you think you can sneak out in your homemade one, you're certifiable. So, talk to me. You aren't sleeping, you're getting sloppy. May called, worried about your usually perfect grades slipping, hoping I would talk to you as a mentor. So, this is mentor me. What's going on?"

Peter seemed to think and finally said, "Do you know why I'm Spider-Man?"

"You have superpowers and you grew up idolizing superheroes?" asked Tony.

It was a surprise when Peter shook his head, "Nope. I mean, I idolized you, but I never wanted to be one of you. When I got my powers… I was so scared. I thought that I could just hide them, have fun with them in private and never, ever, put them to use in real life. My parents were murdered when I was five, didya know that?"

Tony said, "I thought it was a plane accident."

Peter shook his head. "My dad knew something about Norman Osborn. They left me with my aunt and uncle and tried to flee the country. From the time I was little, I knew that the big guy wins. It doesn't matter how hard the little guy tries: the big guy will always win. And I got these powers… but I was still the little guy. And then, when I was pretending my life could be normal… there was a robbery in a bodega. I didn't try to stop it. Bodegas are insured. I was out too late at night, I'd broken curfew. I was having a hard time because I couldn't talk to Uncle Ben or Aunt May. It was easier to make them angry so they would shout instead of having them pry. I didn't know Uncle Ben had come out to look for me. He heard the bodega owner shouting… he tried to stop the guy with the gun… he bled out, in my arms, before the ambulance got there. And I thought, if I could just stop one other person feeling the way I felt… I'm gonna lose in the end; I know that. I don't wanna leave Aunt May all by herself but it will happen someday." He stopped talking. There was a pause long enough that Tony thought he should say something but suddenly Peter said, "Y'know why I wear the mask?"

"Because you want to protect May," said Tony.

"That's only part of it. Bad guys are afraid of me. I'm fast, I'm strong. They know I'm young from my voice but I act so blasé, all the jokes and quips make it seem like I think their evil, deadly plots are just silly and that I know I'll stop them. I scare them. If I didn't wear the mask… they wouldn't be scared if they could see just how scared I am. They have so much tech and they've plotted it all out and I'm a fifteen-year-old in spandex with homemade web shooters. I'm scared all the time… I'm stronger than them but I'm still the little guy. They have all the power." There was another brutally long silence before Peter said. "I'm stronger than Captain America, empirically, I'm physically stronger and I'm faster and my reflexes are better and I'm more flexible. But, in Germany, I pulled my punches. He's Captain America: of course I pulled my punches. I thought he would give up. I thought he would recognize that, if people in a hundred and seventeen countries are scared of you and think you're a threat, you should listen. I thought we were gonna go and it was going to be just about the coolest sparring session, even better than when Daredevil taught me to box, y'know? But Captain America didn't pull his punches, he hit as hard as he could. I looked at the data readout from the suit. He used all his strength. He called me 'kid' when we talked. He heard my voice and he knew I was young and he put all his weight behind the punches. I grew up with his picture of my wall; he was a good guy; I pulled my punches and he didn't."

He sniffed hard. "I never thought Captain America would make me feel like the little guy. I never thought I would be so scared of a superhero. He terrifies me. And I keep having this dream, same one over and over. I've had nightmares about Uncle Ben, ever since he died, I see it again and again, y'know? But now — ever since Berlin — in the dream, when I'm holding him, I look up and I see the shooter standing above us. The barrel is still pointed at him. And it's Captain America. Every night, in my dreams, Captain America kills my uncle. Ever since Berlin… I am so tired, Tony. I've never been as scared of a bad guy as I was of a good guy who didn't care, who didn't hold back." He breathed out and Tony could tell he was finally done. He gathered the teen to him and Peter started to sob, letting out so much pain. Tony didn't try to hush him, just let him cry, stroking his back.

After more than fifteen minutes, Peter started to calm down, breathing more and more. Tony didn't let him go. Speaking softly he said, "I'm so sorry for Berlin; I never should have brought you. I thought he would pull his punches too. I'm so sorry, Peter."

Peter hugged him, "I'm never scared around you," said Peter.

Stroking his back Tony said, "I'm gonna be a grownup: you're done. You wanted to stop people from feeling what you felt, and you have, over and over again. The Accords have been bringing vigilantes out, making them feel safer in their actions because now that they're accountable to the UN, the cops are laying off. I will reach out and see if someone will take over your turf. You're done. You've more than enough to have honored Ben. You don't owe New York. Don't be the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, be the friendly neighborhood Peter Parker. How much of your time in the suit is spent giving people directions, helping kids find their moms, getting cats out of trees?"

"Solidly seventy-five percent of the time," said Peter.

"You don't need a mask to do that, Pete, you can be that guy in just jeans. You don't need Spider-Man to be awesome. I will get someone with similar skills and abilities to take over, stop the muggings and the rapists and I'll take over Doc Ock and guys like that. You're done, it's over and you're going to therapy." Peter pulled back and opened his mouth. "No, Peter, you're going to therapy."

"That doesn't work on me," said Peter.

"No?" asked Tony.

"There was a boy… he was my babysitter. He was eighteen and I was eleven," Peter shook his head. "He went to prison. And there was a shrink, 'Can you show me on the doll, Peter?'" He gave a huff of a laugh. "It didn't work then; it's not gonna work now."

Tony nodded, "This time, we'll shop for one, find someone you feel like you can talk to."

Peter gave a bitter laugh, "Doctor-patient privilege doesn't cover crimes; it covers medical stuff. If I came in with an injury they would be bound but not by an admission of vigilantism."

"We find a trustworthy one, someone who doesn't read the Bugle and we have them sign an NDA. I promise, Peter, I won't let you be exposed. I promise."

Peter was silent and then said, "I just so badly want to sleep again without seeing Captain America murder Ben." Tony stroked his hair.

"You're not alone; you're never alone; I've got you."

"But, you're moving upstate," said Peter, wiping his face.

"No, I'm not, I'm not doing that. I've just decided. The new facility for the next generation of Avengers is upstate. I'm staying right here with you. This is home now. We're gonna share my dad's lab space, we're gonna eat lo mein in Mom's kitchen and be buddies. I'm not Captain America; I don't turn my back on my people. You're my people, Peter, I'm staying right here with you."

Peter hugged him again, tightly. "Thanks, Tony." Pulling back he said, "How are you doing with it all?"

"He sent me a phone, told me to call him if I ever needed him he would come. And he said that the Avengers were more my family than his. But he's got Nat, Clint and Sam and Wanda with him and I don't know where Thor and Bruce are so… I thought they were my family but he took them." He sighed, "Tell you a secret, Pete?" Peter nodded. "That man was the great love of my life. And I thought, foolishly, that someday he would get over his nineteen twenties internalized homophobia and he would come out of the closet. I thought someday I wouldn't be his dirty secret anymore and we would get married and adopt and be this awesome little family. We talked about adoption sometimes, about the logistics of keeping kids of superheroes safe. Instead of coming out and having a perfect life with me, he lied to me about how my parents died for two years and ran off with their killer and took my family with them. He left me paralyzed in a dead suit. I was on my back, struggling to breathe for eight hours before Vision could find me. If he ever returns to civilization he will be charged with war crimes and attempted murder… I'm learning to sleep by myself again after four years. It's hard, America's Man snores and I have a hard time but I bought a white noise machine. I miss him, the man who left me to die. But I'm coping and I'm gonna look into adoption… he took the Avengers he can't take away my dream… I'm doing okay. It's easier here than in the Tower; it was our home. And maybe sometime the world will need him, I don't know, but I'm not going to be the one to call him. I don't need him. I need people who love and support me."

"You've got me, and Rhodey, and Vision, and Pepper, and Happy and Aunt May and JARVIS. Forget the Avengers. And Bruce and Thor will be on your side when they finally surface."

"Bruce, yes, Thor, I'm not sure. He might just give up on Earth," said Tony. Then he said, "Let's quit for the night. Call your aunt, ask her to come for dinner and a movie night."

"Okay," said Peter. Then he said, "Do I have to give up sparring with Daredevil?"

Tony laughed, "I'm not making you give up joy; I'm helping you give up fear. I'm not telling you to be normal; I'm telling you to be an awesome kid instead of a superhero. You can swing up in the air with a mask, you can eat tacos on roofs with Deadpool while lecturing him on morality and spar with Matt. They're your friends. Just stop punching bad guys. Run away and call the superhero. Have a nice life where you don't have to be afraid of the big guy: Scorpion, Ock or Captain America. Ben would be very proud of all you've done. But, he'd be so much happier if you were just a science buff with a panache for YouTube videos and a good heart."

Peter smiled, "Okay, cool, I'd like that, a lot."

Tony smiled, "Go wash up and call your aunt." Peter headed to the stairs. Once he was gone Tony said, "JARVIS, transcribe that conversation. Remove Peter, May, Ben and Matt's names. Remove Peter talking about his abuser. Anonymize it and take out science, YouTube." It flashed up on a screen and he skimmed it. If it was FRIDAY who had done the editing he would have worried about her accuracy. But this was JARVIS, JARVIS knew exactly what Tony wanted. "Good send this to the number Steve left and add a postscript telling him that I will be handing the phone off to Ross. Then send a message for a courier pickup." He exhaled slowly. "I want Steve to know how the world sees him, know how I feel, know what Peter feels. I don't want that phone. That's not my life anymore."

"Of course, Sir," he agreed.

"Thank you," he said. "Next, text Rhodey and tell him that the elevator is completed and that I'm picking him up from rehab tomorrow, eight AM sharp."

"I look forward to his arrival."

Tony nodded to him, "Good enough. This is good enough."

* * *

I know that having JARVIS makes this a little bit of a fix it fic. But, I just hate that he's dead and I think he would have been such a comfort to Tony.


End file.
